it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
