my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
