I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
