I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
