i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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