hotel room ftw
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
