i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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