WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
