Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
