she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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