I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
