i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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