My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
