so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
