Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
