so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
