he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
