i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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