I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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