Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
