It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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