So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
