Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
