im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
two words: eviction party
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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