I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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