Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude. I can hear the air.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
