Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
