Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
