I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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