I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
