I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
