she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
