dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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