I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm too high and old for this...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
