weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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