she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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