I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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