my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you win again, gameday.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
