im about as happy as oj after his trial
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
