hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
