I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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