Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
