a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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