Don't make out with my wife yet
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
