So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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