Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
