Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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