so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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