I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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