It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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