i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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