Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
