OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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