Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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