he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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