Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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