I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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