I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
