no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
