I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
