So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
