Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
