LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
