I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
