No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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