hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
