Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize