yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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