I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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