i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
